Not....quite like that....but hey, wouldn't it be cool to show up for work all decked out looking like I just stepped out of the 1940's? (yet another motivation to lose weight....all of the cool retro clothes I'll be able to start collecting and wearing! But I digress....)
What? I didn't even make the cut to be granted an interview!? Yeah, that did wonders for my already low self-esteem. The next day after my awkward phone call I got a generic Dear Jane email saying I wasn't hired. It didn't matter that I could deduce that it was another situation where the department obviously already had someone earmarked that they wanted to hire, but just had to go through the protocol of advertising the job and accepting applications....I still took it personally and spent a weepy evening wondering what the hell is wrong with me. If you already know who you want to hire, don't open the position up to the public! Just do an internal search! Don't give people false hope by letting people apply for a job you know they have no chance of getting! &*$&#*@^!
Deep breath, moving on....
The fourth one I applied for has been recent enough that I don't expect to hear anything (unless they pull a fast one like the department above did) until the end of this week or next. It would be an ideal situation.....the only problem is that it's part time. I need full time pay, it's non-negotiable (I'm playing "sugarmama" while my husband is completing grad. school). So why did I apply? It's rather complicated, but my current boss told me when I transitioned out here he'd be willing to consider making my position part time if I wanted. So....if I get offered this other position, and I can get my boss to let me keep this one too but at part time, I could work for both places and stay at full time pay. Lots of big IF's here....but hey, it's worth a try. I'm desperate.
And now with #5 that I applied for this morning......well, all I can do is wait and see if #4 and #5 amount to anything.
I'm so sick of being on the roller coaster ride and wading through campus bureaucracy and procedures. I've been applying for jobs off campus as well (which has amounted to nothing so far). The thought of leaving the university system is daunting, but I'm so tired of the BS that it won't be so hard to part ways now if it comes to that. I'm even willing to take a pay cut, as long as the benefits are good....and that shows how desperate I am to get out of here because I know without a doubt I'll never be able to find anything off campus that pays what I'm getting now, not that I'm making a lot anyway. But still, it's better than what is "out there."
I know, I know, at least I'm still employed and still getting a paycheck. It could be worse. I'm trying to be a good lil' trooper here, but the longer this goes on, the more I'm getting paranoid that I'll never get out of here. I honestly didn't think I'd still be wasting away in this deparment this long. The last few months have been a very humbling and eye-opening experience for me, but it's also fed every negative self-sabotaging worm in my brain by making me doubt everything about myself with the question, "What is wrong with me?"
OK universe, I get that I was supposed to learn something from all of this. Really, I get it. But please get me out of here before I go stark raving mad!